well. it has been quite a while since i've wrote anything on here. the reason for that is i'm just in a lazy, depressed faze right now. i dont know what my future will be. i don't know my duty on this planet. hopefully i will wake up and have a freaken turning point or something.

i recently sent a video of myself singing to a contest. and i'm really hoping that i get chosen, cuz that would just cheer me up a bunch. life would have a bit more sense. like their was hope or something. i'm just a complete bore right now. i don't go out, and if i do, i'm simply no fun at all and i look like a dead zombie on the dance floor, so imagine that!

my face looks like i just cried all the time. and to add to that ugliness, i recently burnt my face with acne cleanser. i was all swollen and when i smiled, i looked like a 50 yr old women who forgot to get her last dose of botox under her eyes.

i'm actually scared sometimes that i loose the love of life, like my aunt and uncle did. sometimes i do think of suicide, but in a weird way. like i don't try and figure out ways to kill myself, but i wonder how life would be without me, and quite frankly, in some scenarios, its much better than right now. i just need some sort of sign. something, to tell me that everything is going to be alright.

at least its spring time, where everything revives, hopefully i will too.

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