"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

-he's just not that into you

alright so we got this huge bomb that Guy Carbonneau got fired. Ya. well. that was really shocking and to be totally honest i wasn't expecting it at all, especially from Mr. Gainey. anywho, Carbo has done a lot for this team and i just hope he isn't forgotten. it is sad that it is yet another coach who has to cope with the whole team's downhill sloping.

so the habs won, although i can't lie and say that i watched the game and every second of it, because i was switching to american idol alot. but overall it was a very exiting game, but at some point i felt that the team slacked on the effort, especially in the second period. in the first period they were on fire, i thought they did very well. good thing they came back strong and won those two very important points.

so ya i'm a happy camper : )

oh and also

one last thing

i'm SO happy Carey is finally getting his magic back ( not that he ever lost it) i'm just really exited about it..because..ya...you know why

good night

alright, so i'm sorry that it's been a while since my last post, but i've been pretty busy. most of the time i try and concentrate on my homework and go about of things, but other times i just sit there and thing, mostly because it gets me aways from the school task that awaits me.

on a good note, i have some sort of rendez-vous/interview with the school of show business thats situated in montreal. it would be pretty nice if that would work out. lets just wait and see.

the other reason why i didn't write anything for a while was because i was majorly afraid of the obvious. it was my ex boyfriends birthday on march 2 nd, and that day just gets me depressed. depressed to the point where my bed is where i spend my whole day. but surprisingly enough, i didn't shed a single shivering tear, which is really awesome really. because i did kinda realize that i've been over him for so long. i don't need him in my life, it's just that no one else has come along thats worth while. i havn't been swept off my feet. like never. which is kinda sad in a way, but hopefully that means that when i will, i'll fall hard, but whatever. it'll come when it's supposed to. i won't go out and chase it.

alright so on a kinda brighter note....

the habs. they do suck, and you might ask yourself why i put up the very bright and colorful habs banner. welll the reason is as simple as this....Carey Price. Halak was probably playing the best hockey of his life, which left price in the shadow and darkness. i'm so happy ( even though that sounds really mean and bad ) that Jaroslav got a virus and that Carey could prove himself as the great player he can be.

the 1st game wasn't so great. he gave 5 goals and you could see that he wasn't totally in focus, probably very very nervous.

the 2nd game was amazing, on his part. the team played like crap literally and if Carey wouldn't of been there, well we probably would've lost 4 or 5 nothing.

i dunno i'm starting to think that the problem might be the coaching and directing staff, but that would be exagerate of me. i don't know what really goes on behind closed doors, so i should have nothing to say on this, but when i coach looks up and tells the media that he's done everything he possibly can and doesn't know what to do anymore, well that's kinda weird. i mean if anyone would tell their boss " hey man i'm sorry i really don't know what do to anymore...i mean...i've done everything i can..."...well the very normal response would be.." alright nice knowing ya..your fired"...

so weird

but so fun

Carey's back :)

Mistake

oh gosh. i made a mistake. i really huge one. and i want to say i'm sorry. because i'm sick of making those stupid mistakes. i'm sick of always making excuses for myself. i'm done. i just hope i have just that one last chance to prove myself. please please please. i will change. for the better. i want to succeed. i just need that last chance.

i've been slacking off school lately, but slowly but surely, i'm getting myself back on track. there's been a lot of things that have been stressing me out. work especially. the bosses just treat me and expect of me like the store belonged to me. they want me to say everything that i know all the freaken time and i'm sick of it. i'm a part time worker for crying outloud. the worst part is they expect me to almost leave school to go to work. i'm so dumb for following what they've been telling me. and they always get me by the sensitive strings. there was a case of harassment lately where my manager was really agressive with one of the other workers, which happens to be a very good friend of mine, but thats not it. he did do some things to me a year ago that i have not yet forgiven, and the bosses did nothing about it. my manager is an alcoholic, and even though he can be the nicest person on this planet, he has major issues. and at last years' christmas party, he got a little too drunk and started feeling me up and started to try and kiss me all the time, which he didnt succeed at, thank God.

i'll quit smoking

i'll exercise more

i'll live up to all my responsibilites

i need that one last chance.

please

i'm kinda stuck in a blurry road. i don't know in which direction to go. my mind tells me something and my heart tells me the opposite. sometimes i think of what i can be, and it's wonderful. the only thing missing is the will and confidence to make it happen. i'm in school right now and i know it's not for me. i mean college sounded like fun on paper, but it's been nothing but a bore for the past 2 years. i'm going to be 19 years old in may and i'm still debating on my future, when i've known all along what i should do. it's just so hard to just give up security for something uncertain. that huge risk scares me so much that i can't sleep at night anymore. these past couple of weeks haven't been very good. i've lost motivation for almost everything, because there's something missing in my life, but i'm not sure what exactly. it's like my heart is beating, but isn't feeling. like my mind is working but isn't thinking like it should. i try to convince myself to do things but i end up contradicting myself, and failing once again. i just want to be happpy. live a happy life. i don't care about money. i just want to wake up every morning and have a smile on my face. everyday i fight for other people's happiness but i never stop and see if i'm happy. i just want people to feel good. is that wrong? i need a sign, a motivator, something to help me, because i'm afraid i can't do this on my own, because i'm scared. i'm scared that people are so miserable that they won't like me. that i get laughed at, and humiliated. the thing is, i've never had any problems with anyone. all my life people have been very nice and fun around me, but at the same time, they never knew the real me. they never knew what i really loved, what really passionates me, what makes me feel alive, because i was too ashamed to say it. to scream it out to the whole world. afraid because i thought i wasn't good enough and that i didn't deserve that kind of attention my dream would bring me. i now vow to try harder. try harder to accomplish what was once unaccomplishable. to make myself happy, because it's simply the only way.

Monday night , at 8:54 p.m.

this is my promise

goodnight

i know that technically i shouldn't be putting up this sad, dark banner, but i'm really pissed off Carey isn't playing tomorrow. i know that he hasn't been to the best of his abilities lately but he's one of the team's best talent. we need him, just like we need Kovalev. alright maybe i'm getting ahead of myself because i just don't know him. i don't know how he acts off the ice, and how he is mentally and all that stuff. but i know that he's got it. he's got what it takes to bring us to the top.
i know i sound like some obsessed pathetic freak who daydreams about this guy, but no worries, i'm able to say when he fails.
i just hope that Carbo will give him another chance. he needs it and deserves it. for that to happen, he has to stop switching goalies all the freaken time. i mean, who is that good for the players' confidence????? how do you want Carey Price to regain his confidence to the maximum when he won't let him goal for at least 5 games straight.
so yeah,
that's all i have to say on this for now

Music. why music? because it helps me cope. it makes me cry, yet conforts me when i wanna die. death. that's what would happen without music. Music. the essence of life. Life. a melody that may be cut short, if you don't fullfill your destiny. Destiny. that's where you, and only you, can choose what you make of it.

music is my passion. singing makes me feel alive. i know i can make it if i work hard, but fear takes me over, so fast that just the thought gives me shivers. but i know thats what i've got to do to be happy, because i know that i'll just be miserable. forever. i need to motivate myself and convince myself that i can make it. i lack of confidence and i always have. it's always been a problem for me. i'm never satisfied with what i've done, and always wish i could just start over. but in life you only have one chance. one shot to accomplish what ever you want to accomplish, and i don't want to waste that chance. i don't want to wake up one morning and realize that i've wasted my life doing something that made me un-happy. i want to sing for a living. project my voice as far as i can.

i just want to feel good, for once.