so basically ive been trying to get motivated in life
im getting a new job, well probably, the interview went pretty well.
i just need a massive change
have my mind completly set on my goals and what i want.
i just miss her a lot.
she was so special.
and now, i feel her so close to me. like shes right there with me, looking over me.
sometimes its like i can see her. its like a movie in my mind.

i have an event tonight! its the bal for the révélation thingy this summer. i think it could be fun. im kinda exited, but then again its hard to be. i feel like such an old lady. i went out till barely 1:00 AM last night and today i feel like i need a can to walk or something.

i dunno what it is, i feel like this shit keeps repeating itself. i guess that with changing jobs, my life will be different.

who knows.

ill post pictures of the bal soon enough :)

Gala Révélation - dreams can come true...

so like i mentionned breifly in my previous post..i participated in an audition earlier this year and got it. basically what is was, was an artistic camp, and we were putting together a mega show at the historical theatre st-denis in montreal for 2250 people! since we were a lot of participants, we were set up in different groups for different medleys. i was lucky enough to be put in MOTOWNNNNN :) i was so happy, cuz its basically the music i listen to the most.
anywho
it was an amazing experience! ill try and post my video on this site soon! ill see what i can do :)

the picture you see is during the general rehearsal at the st-denis! i really hated the clothes i was in. wasnt very advantagous..but i rlly didnt care, cuz i was makin it happeeennnnn .

In Loving Memory...

it has been a while since i posted anything, and that reason is not because nothing special or important happened, i was just to overwhelmed with emotion to face writting them down.

the summer started off quite well. i had an audition, which went quite well, and i had the best summer plans and vacation spots figured out with my friends, up until a huge bomb crashed on my world. My grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. it was literally the end of the world.

the funny part was , i did get my audition, and i would be part of motown medley on the stage of the sold out theatre st-denis. it was so fulfulling for me, i made a dream come true. i felt that i was finally climbing the ladder in a world where i always thought i had my place.

but before i could even take in the joy of this event, i was getting a couple-month notice of the death of my grandmother that i loved so much.

she didnt want to end her days in the hospital, so i decided i would take care of her at home, so she could live her life fully until her last moment. i was then in charge of giving her injections every night, and help her with everything around her house. most nights were cigarettes and home-made french fries, with laughter and happiness. we were both trying to hide our pain, and most importantly our tears. i didnt want to cry in front of my grandmother, i just wanted her to breath hapiness, and be at peace with what was happening.
i stayed with her for two months, and then we had to bring her to a hospital. she lasted almost a month there, and i went to see her every single day. she was the joy in my life. she was everything to me. we had become best friends over the summer.
she knew so much and taught me so much in such a short period of time.

she took her last breath staring into my eyes. her beautiful blue eyes shined bright...and then she was gone...

April 6th 1928- Septembre 25th 2009

Je t`aime mimi

Dreams really do come true

it rlly did happen. i sang on live television. and the picture you see is me with 3 other finalists. im the girl with the jean dress.
it was so much fun, i got to meet people that were so kind and funny and just great to be around!
it also made me realize that you have to go foward in life and never look back, just reach for your dreams and they shall come true! doesn't that sound simple ?

i should be posting the video shortly :)

truly touching

this video is just touching
i try not to cry everything
you could feel his pain and understand what he's going through
and the reason i'm showing this video is because this is the song that i will be singing on TV..i'm singing it my way so i think it'll be interesting..hopefully:)
meanwhile take a look at the original which nothing can beat
it simply timlessly touching

Total EXTASY!

alright so here it is...

you know the contest i was taking about in my last desperate post?
well awesomely enough..I GOT CHOSEN!
i will be participating in the live competition called "Jeunes Espoirs Enfants Soleil 2009" during the annual "Telethon Operation Enfant Soleil" on may 31st!
i'm kinda going crazy at this very moment. i got the news last monday and at first i wasn't exactly realizing that yeah! ..but today i got a little curious about the whole thing and decided to go check the location of the event, and that was a huge mistake on my part because that got me to shake and stutter and nothing was working for me. its HUGE. anywho
for now i'm just OH SO FREAKEN HAPPY

watch out for me on your TV screens y'all!

well. it has been quite a while since i've wrote anything on here. the reason for that is i'm just in a lazy, depressed faze right now. i dont know what my future will be. i don't know my duty on this planet. hopefully i will wake up and have a freaken turning point or something.

i recently sent a video of myself singing to a contest. and i'm really hoping that i get chosen, cuz that would just cheer me up a bunch. life would have a bit more sense. like their was hope or something. i'm just a complete bore right now. i don't go out, and if i do, i'm simply no fun at all and i look like a dead zombie on the dance floor, so imagine that!

my face looks like i just cried all the time. and to add to that ugliness, i recently burnt my face with acne cleanser. i was all swollen and when i smiled, i looked like a 50 yr old women who forgot to get her last dose of botox under her eyes.

i'm actually scared sometimes that i loose the love of life, like my aunt and uncle did. sometimes i do think of suicide, but in a weird way. like i don't try and figure out ways to kill myself, but i wonder how life would be without me, and quite frankly, in some scenarios, its much better than right now. i just need some sort of sign. something, to tell me that everything is going to be alright.

at least its spring time, where everything revives, hopefully i will too.